Gladly Taking the Wheel.

Attack Thursday #1

March 16th 2017

I’ve spent a good amount of time this week thinking about my future. Specifically, the future at the end of my eight month plan. I’m going to be living on my own. I’m a little afraid but my enthusiasm outweighs that..

Yesterday, I talked about being in a darker place.

Tonight, I want to talk about being in a brighter one.

As I’ve been slowly reforming my outlook, I have to say – it is much greener on this side of the fence. I would like to mention that the dips feel deeper, lately. When I find myself reverting back to my old mind-set it feels even darker than I remember. In those moments, I have a little crisis but I also take into perspective all the progress I am making. I am in the possession of tools I never had when I was in my worst places. So, I try to give my former self compassion. Without all this help – it makes sense to freak the f*ck out. I still do but I can better manage the overwhelming ¬†and just let it pass.

An affirmation I like to say is “I am exactly where I’m supposed to be.” I use it most when I can’t seem to get out of a funk. I like to acknowledge that the lows are as necessary to growth as the highs, if not more. I try to take comfort in what I can’t control. Acceptance is all I can do for myself, at a certain point. I found learning where the line between what I have control over and what I don’t is empowering, as it should be. I used to feel out of control; I was wanting to control everything and that’s where the problem laid.

What really surprised me, when I started to surrender wanting to have control, was that I kept stumbling into more opportunities to take the wheel once I did.

My ability to dictate my moods is always improving. I give my work days nicknames, for sh*t’s sake. I choose to have a good work week, every week. No exceptions. Time will tell if I can keep this up. Correction – I will tell, not time- I will keep this up. Remember: accountability.

I switch, in my head, between writing to myself and for an audience. It cracks me up while I’m writing! Anyway, I am enjoying this more and more – blogging. Words are my favorite form of expression, I think. So, this is an extremely satisfying project to run.

Thanks to all who tune in<3

*with all my honey*

-Elaine

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