Lovesick and, at the Same Time, Convinced Otherwise.

No Chump Hump-Day #4

Well, here I am. Made it through another day, for the most part, unscathed.

I read an article tonight about being in love with someone you can’t be with. Yeah, it struck a chord with me. It didn’t give that spiel about how you just have to move on or that you’re hurting yourself if you’re not detaching.

I’m in a similar situation to what the author of that article is in, I think. I know somebody and it’s been over sixth months since I’ve seen this person. Sure, I think of them less often then I used to but they’re really there with me with through almost everything – “in spirit” – is what I think people say.

What a beautiful thought. I wonder if they ever think of me in the ways I think of them. I have learned to accept and respect the space between us. The bothersome part of that is the uncertainty that the space could ever diminish in the future.. but that’s an expectation and that is what will hurt me in the long run.

It’s o.k to love anyone. Love is pure and patient.

As my amateur adviser told me once, and I’m not sure if he was quoting something, “love is unconditional – relationships are what’s conditional.”

That was a profound thing for me when I first came to Washington. I was really hurting, grieving over a lost relationship. I screwed up. This is my opportunity to shine, I guess.

That’s been on my mind. Whether or not I’m crazy for still dreaming about someone who, quite possibly, has thought of me only a handful of times in the time I have gotten increasingly saddened by the sight of them in rest. I love to see their face but am devastated to wake up to the view of my own two hands – sometimes, I wish for them to be holding each other so that, for just a singular moment, when I wake up I might believe the dream hadn’t ended. It always does, though. Not every dream with them is sweet, either.. but I still cherish them.

That’s all right. I’m so happy to think they are doing well. I’m so grateful to be able to feel so deeply about anything. I’m glad they are that thing.

I am not meaning to sound like a sorry sap.. but this project is centered around honesty.

Love within reason – above all, love yourself.

*with all my honey*

-Elaine

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